"existential crisis" and a thousand questions surrounding it
- phamd5
- May 2
- 8 min read
A guide to have a life like your favorite instagram influencer
According to "Learn with Moose," Gen Zs (people who born between 1997 and 2012) spend roughly 4.5 hours per day on social media. We scroll through countless posts everyday and get hooked on content about other people's lives, which include but not limited to: house tours, Coachella fit check, get ready with me, etc. At the end of the day, we can't help ourselves but ask, "When is it our turn to have such glamorous life like theirs?"
The answer, which you also might be able to figure out at this point, is, unfortunately, never. That is their life, not ours. They own their life, and we own ours. However, it seems like the people you see online have found their purpose. They are successful in making their names big, running their own brand and building a house at 22. Then, when you look back at yourself and your own life, anxiety starts to kick in, accompanied by fear and uncertainty. You are thrown into an endless pit of emptiness while a thousand questions about your whole existence runs around in your head. Suddenly, you have become so little, and your life is not as important as it seems.
Anyone can feel that way due to different reasons, especially deep-rooted reasons. One of those considerations should be the existential crisis. As defined by Web MD, it is an inner conflict that consists a repeated cycle of thoughts about one's identity, purpose, legacy, etc. While changes and important transitions can be big factor, questions such as "Who am I?", "What's my purpose in life?" and "Am I being authentic to who I truly am?" may arise at any point in life. These are followed by feeling of uneasiness about one's presence, identity and whole existence. It affects living quality, as well as the person's overall outlook on life and everything that revolves around it. Ultimately, it accumulates and can lead to anxiety and depression.
Just as when faced with any other problems, human's first and foremost instinct is to rush to find the solution. While this post can come in handy, it will not provide an ultimate answer on how one should deal with existential crisis. Instead, it will introduce you to different viewpoints surrounding the concerns you may have about life that lead you to question your existence. These alternate perspectives can be relatable to you or not at all, but they all serve as a means for you to walk out of your own mind to be immersed in different realties. They allow you to view the problem under a multidimensional lens and touch on aspects you have never seen before.
In general, our concerns are tied to the stage of development we are in life, our personal values and expectations. As we move forward, we will slowly walk through the three common questions when trapped in an existential crisis and lose our grip on the meaning of life. There is no right or wrong answer; however, you must learn to become friends with yourself and understand the value of your existence.
"is there something wrong with me?"
Life can feel like a race. You run because everyone else is running, but you have no idea why you have to. In a crowded room, you can't help but feel the pressure of being, acting and talking like other people so you're not the odd ones out. You'd wear a mask if you have to, even a suit and tie if that makes you appear like you belong there. You try your best to maintain your spot among others. But, at the end of the day, you still feel empty, like something is missing. It's like you're not the person you're trying to be, like you're lying and faking everything , like you're a robot that's malfunctioned. Why is that other people do it so effortlessly? Why can they be so charming, so likeable, but when it is your turn, it feels like something is wrong with you, as if they are all passing around a cheat code on how to live and you're missing out? None of what you're doing feels right.
Or, is it just that you need to try harder until you can be good enough?
At this point, I hope you start to take a moment to look into yourself and understand that you can never be good enough if you're using other people's scale to measure your life. The feeling that you are living life the wrong way just because you cannot catch up with the rest of the world is your insecurity speaking to you. You're doubting yourself, trying to seek validation by setting up unrealistic expectations through what you see in others. You see the good in them, so you want to grow up the same. You see potential in their goals, so you set that for yourself. You see the meaning in their life, so you head out and search for it in yours. Then you start wondering. Why is it that the more steps you take, the stranger the path becomes and the further the exit?
The thing is, if you don't stop using other people's map to figure out your own life, you can never find the way out. You will forever be lost in the pit of emptiness, of the jungle of uncertainty, of the thorns of self sabotage. You have to learn, and understand, that you are of your own kind. You are special, unique, and we are all made for a specific purpose. What is right for other people might not be right for you. So, the next time you are lost, slow down, and instead of looking at where everyone's at, look inside of yourself—underneath those expectations— lie your true values.
"am i capable of surviving if i jump off the cliff?"
When facing a big challenge or transition in life, it's easy to doubt yourself and your ability. When you're standing in front of a cliff, the question is always "To jump or not to jump." We tend to sit around and wait for the right moment before making important decisions or do things that can change our whole life to a new direction. We would think about the possible scenarios, weigh the pros and cons, or even rethink our choice after many years have passed. When standing in such a free space of doubts, what-ifs and what-could-happens, the train of thoughts always trace back to one own's ability.
Everyday we meet thousands of people who are better than us, who are extraordinary and masters of their field. Lying in between the admiration we have for them might be a little or a lot of self insecurity. This makes us feel small and redirect that energy back to ourselves, pulling us away from the cliff while whispering "You're not like them. You're not capable of this. Step back and return to the safe place you've always been so you don't hurt yourself."
But if we listen to that voice and pull back from the life-changing cliff, it's a mean of us agreeing that we are not capable of controling our own life and sail the ship of our destiny. Myriam Mofya, an international student at Wabash Valley College, shared that she feels sad and scared when approaching big decisions, "..and scary because I don't know what's ahead, like maybe I won't like the college, maybe I won't like my classmates, maybe I won't like my teachers, something like that. Maybe I made the wrong decision coming to this college, maybe this major isn't really my major. It's really scary."
With all those thoughts, doubts and concerns running through her head, keeping her awake rethinking the decision, she still chose to jump. "I analyze all the aspects of what I'm about to do. I think about the college, I research in-detail about the college, I read reviews about the college so that I won't fall into a bad college. When it comes to my major, sometimes I look at my major and then I tell myself 'Am I really passionate with what I'm about to do? Do I really like it to the point that I'm ready to sacrifice all these years of studying instead of maybe 2 years and then I work but ready to study for that long?' And it does not really stop me, because I just say whatever happen happens. The best thing is that I made a step forward. Or maybe back. But at least I moved. It's better than staying and doing nothing."
"do i want to be loved or do i want to be myself?"
This question is often a mental perplexity for most people. As a natural human desire, we long to be loved. We admire the celebrities who own a luxurious lifestyle that brings them millions of fans waiting to get a snapshot of them everyday. We love to have people on our side supporting what we do. We're desperate for the attention, for the conversations that our name comes up as the main topic, for the hungry eyes looking up to the life we have. But beauty is admired and ugliness is covered. We wear a mask and build walls around us, only to show up when we are the prettiest and have the prettiest things. We appear to please the eyes of society, and we hide away our imperfections from the thorns of criticism. So we are loved.
But at what cost? When we look in the mirror, do we even recognize who we are? We're like puppets in the plays, actors in the movies, only do what is directed and expected by the audience. We live life to amuse strangers. But is it even worth it? Who are we entertaining?
Life, after all, is much more than that. Bigger than the love we desire from the people we don't know, is the love we have for ourselves. Ten years later and we look back, nothing even matters that much anymore. We will all grow old and die; no one will remember the brand new designer purse we own or the trending hair color we dye.
So, stop destroying yourself and chasing validations from outsiders. It is your life and you have to be in control. You buy that purse because you like the style, you dye your hair pink because it reminds you of your childhood. Do everything to your desire and let people think what they think. Because most of the time people's thoughts reflect who they are and not who you are. Don't waste any more time reflecting on yourself through their opinions. Find the way back to yourself and embrace the love rooted from the inside. Then, people with the same frequency as you will find their way to you, and you will be surrounded by those who love you for who you truly are.
Life doesn't last forever. At the end of the day, we will all turn into dust. We can either spend the time we have to live in a dread lost in doubts and uncertainty, or we can take a chance and jump, and let whatever will be, will be. Either way, we will all have our own ending, and the stories in between are written by us. So stop scrolling, get out of that app, get out of your own mind and start walking your own path and creating your dream life.
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