How Cancer Affects A Family

I’ve seen my mother cry one too many times.

I’ve seen tears fall down her cheeks in sadness, anger, and grief with diagnosis

after diagnosis. Cancer is a curse who knows how to hurt everything it surrounds.

Not only does it rob the life of the patient, but the life of others around. And just as you

think you’ve got it figured out, life throws another curveball.

When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer in 2011, I was only six years old. I didn’t fully

grasp at the time the gravity of her diagnosis. I would tell my teachers at school my mom

had cancer and that’s why she can’t come to teacher-parent night. I was confused when

their faces would drop.

My mom and me

My mom has always been my light and my knight in shining armor to the scary world. I can

remember vividly the day I realized that shield was crashing down. I cried so hysterically

that I was sent home from school. After that, I watched her hair fall with a sickening feeling

growing in my stomach.

I never understood why I couldn’t go with her on treatment days. I didn’t know the

definition of the word “Chemo.” I didn’t know why my mom was so sick, and all I wanted to

do was take it away. All I wanted was my mom to be healthy, to be happy, to play with me

at the park, but because of the drugs, she couldn’t even go out in the sun.

My mom and my brother used to bicker. He’s ten years older than me. He was the only way

I felt normal sometimes.

My brother and me

When I was so separated from the other kids my age because of what I was going through, he understood. He was my best friend. I never got to go to sleepovers or parties. I never got to go to summer camp like I wanted. So, my brother and I would play. I’d watch him work on his

beat up, rusted out truck that he thought he could fix, or we’d play on the Xbox together.

Just like everything else, the illness tore us apart. One day, after an argument with my

mom, he left. I begged and pleaded for him to stay, but he gathered his things and moved

out. Just like that, it suddenly became my mom and me. Just us.

I sacrificed a lot. I gave up time with friends. I gave up birthday parties and road trips. My

mom was too sick to work, so we didn’t have much besides our little home and the food

stamps we made last until the end of every month.

As I get older, I still struggle with the thoughts of losing my mom. I know her time is coming

sooner rather than later. The person who protects me, makes me laugh, and gets me

through every day is slowly fading away from my life.

The thought is like a razor blade slowly being pushed into my heart. The thought of

watching her slowly fade away from the person I know is something I fear every day.

Something I hide deep inside, I hide it with a smile. I pretend everything is okay when I know

it’s far from it.

My family

I smile, laugh, and make memories I know I’ll keep in my heart forever.

I know I’ll come to terms with it all eventually, like everyone does, but for now I live in the

stages of grief. I live with the reality of what’s to come and what to expect. And, in the end, I’ll always yearn to be that clueless little girl who never understood what cancer meant.