Modern clubbing culture:

The Death of College Nightlife

Modern Gen Clubbers

It’s Sunday morning. You are jolted awake to the sound of dad’s call. You peel your face from the hotel room pillow that you soaked in drool the night before. You reluctantly answer and are immediately set back into a sea of regret. He happily informs you of the $6 left in your checking account. You look down and see the stamp on your hand, and you are taken back. The only thought you are able to form, when did this stop being fun

Keith Regrets his actions as Sunday morning commences

We all remember our first house party. You get some sketchy guy your cousin knows to buy you six Smirnoff Ice, you drink them too fast, make a fool of yourself in front of people you barely like, and then you puke on some poor mother’s bathroom floor. The beauty of this was that it was honest, and it was truly representative of cheap, fun, and rebellious party culture. The state of nightlife today is different. It's a clubbing culture, and it's a sick and twisted culture at that. It's girls with a Shein outfit and a $12 drink going to take pictures for their instagram, guys throwing their last check on beers, and everyone attempting to drown in liquid courage just to try to talk to someone they don’t already know.

Young people as a whole need to come to a conscious realization that not only is the frat party under attack, but our beloved house party is too. If you look at Instagram or Facebook you see these posts from local clubs, and it's all an unnecessary rivalry. The people in those pictures are not there to have fun; they're there to look better than the next person, and document all of it with pictures. We all like to have pictures but we can't use that as an excuse to be on our phone for 3 hours at a bar or club because we're too scared to talk anyone, some places go as far as to take your phone.

Should Phones be Allowed at Bars and Clubs?

• YES (it's my property)
• NO (It ruins intimacy)

Phones aren’t the only problem with clubbing either. It’s the lines, the cover fees, and the price of drinks. According to the daily Mississippian “Ole Miss students have become increasingly dissatisfied with the prices that Oxford bars are charging for cover. Molly Oliver, a former Wabash Valley College student and current Ole Miss student, said "covers can range anywhere from $20-$60 on a night out." Of course this isn't just in Mississippi either; it's rapidly covering America as a whole. Every modern degenerate needs to remember the $0 cover fee at house parties. It's not just the cover fees either. The biggest issue with price gouging is the $20 dollar cocktail, and like Alma Avalle of the Bon Appetit newsletter said, “get used to it.” Another important pastime that we young people can rejoice in is buying a 30 rack of Busch Light for $25 dollars and drinking it all weekend, because we don’t want to “get used to it.”

Classy House Party Decorations

Now, imagine this scene. It's 30 degrees, you’re a junior college student at your nearest club two hours away, you’re standing in line for 30 minutes frozen. You’ve watched the girls in front of you take the same picture 10 times, and you wonder how they’ve not frozen to death in their most revealing outfits. You throw 20 dollars at a cover fee and 10 at your first drink. Fast forward 12 hours, and you’re in your hotel room broken, disappointed, crying. You miss the house parties, waking up joyful in a house with your friends, with money, with beer left from the night before, and with your dignity.